Conflicts with a supervisor at work are not uncommon. Grounds for them may be different, sometimes unconscious. For example, the psychological characteristics of you and the boss, different natures, ambitions, achievements, goals, mutual antipathy, misunderstanding, and management style can cause discord. But whatever the reason, the victim is likely to be a subordinate. Because of his position, it is difficult for him to defend himself even when the boss is obviously wrong. Therefore, such situations at work require employee discretion, diplomacy, and the ability to calculate the possible consequences.
How to behave correctly to extinguish a conflict?
Altogether avoiding disputes with the management, alas, does not work. They are inevitable. Therefore, your task – is to learn how to build an effective working relationship.
- Start with yourself. Analyze whether the motive and the reason for beginning discord with the boss are your own words, actions, or miscalculations in work. It is necessary to understand what is just the vagaries of the head or if there are objective reasons for his dissatisfaction with you. Direct communication helps to minimize conflicts. Starting work in a company, talk to the manager about what you expect from each other to agree on possible ways of interaction. Remember: disagreements begin when expectations do not coincide with reality.
- Remain calm. When the conflict in the workplace flares up, the first thing to do is not to increase aggression, not to bring the situation to the maximum level when it will be impossible to win back. In such a situation, it is easy to do things you regret later. Try to behave calmly and confidently. As difficult as it may seem in the moment, try to remain factual, and turn off your emotions. Using facts in a conversation with a manager works better than an emotional, verbal skirmish. If you feel that the situation heats up, say so and offer to pause to return to the subject without negative emotions. A constructive conversation that is strictly business is the fastest way to understand the expectations of both sides and to move on to concrete steps. Watch your voice and intonation, speaking calmly, clearly, and confidently. Raising your voice and high tones are subconsciously perceived as aggression, and we defend ourselves or attack even more actively.
- Never argue with a supervisor in front of other employees. Especially if he may be wrong, it is better to talk privately, discuss the problem at hand, and describe your vision.
- Watch your breathing. It will give you confidence. If you feel your breathing has become confused and shallow, try breathing in freely, filling your lungs, and breathing out slowly.
- Use reasoning, not emotion. In work conflicts, emphasize work processes rather than your desires and ambitions. Remember: any point of view can be argued, translated into business language, use standard negotiation techniques, and even work with negativity. Try to be correct in your statements to maintain the manager’s self-esteem.
- Emphasize your resemblance with your boss — the similarity of goals, interests, and professional qualities. (“We both want to do better, which is why I ask you to clarify what your disagreement with…”). Acknowledge aloud the importance of the head, and his opinion (“I admire your ability to see the essence of the problem, so I want to clarify which of the options I proposed is better suited …”)
- Learn to make thoughtful comments and respond calmly to criticism. Criticism is not always a desire to hurt you. Sometimes it is an opportunity for growth. If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude toward it. If conflicts occur regularly, better solve them by changing your mindset. If you do not want to quit, and disputes are inevitable, focus on why you came to this job – for money, for experience, to make a career. The manager is the person running the company, giving you these opportunities. You don’t have to like him and be perfect, just as he is for you.
- Respect the chain of command and gently mark your boundaries. Reduce communication to work processes only, respecting job descriptions. If the supervisor does not respect your boundaries, gets personal, or gives inappropriate assessments and advice, set your boundaries. Be aware of the absence of resentment and aggression in such conversations. Make it clear that you don’t like it (“I would appreciate it if you would tone it down and we could discuss it calmly,” “my personal life is not related to work, I won’t discuss it”).
- Try to perform your duties impeccably. Performance is what matters. If you are confident in them and yourself, it will be easier for you to take the hit. You can always find something to complain about, but if you understand that the criticism is not fair, you are less vulnerable.
- Abstract. Anything a supervisor says has nothing to do with you as a person. You should understand that there is nothing wrong with you, regardless of the supervisor’s assessment. Don’t let the conflict at work spread to your life outside work. Look at the situation from the outside. You can see a psychologist if it’s challenging to figure it out on your own. It will allow you to look at the situation differently to highlight what might not be visible.
When is it best to quit?
Not every work conflict needs to be resolved. There are cases when the game is not worth the candle, and it is better to find a new job. These are situations where the manager provokes the subordinates into disputes and disagreements, creating an unhealthy environment in the team.
It is tough if his aggression is associated with an unbalanced mentality and the fact that he takes it out on his subordinates just because he has power. If it happens constantly and without any real reason, exhausts you, does not allow you to work, and reasonable methods do not help, then the way out is to leave the company. Health, both mental and physiological, is more expensive.
